Accidents devastate lives.

This is according to one of those insurance adverts on daytime TV. They are right though. Only the other day, I accidentally brushed against a nettle. The events which followed are too traumatic to recount to you today. I accidentally got my car washed at a shit car-wash place. Traumatised. I accidentally fell up the stairs and got a carpet burn on my knee. My life hasn't been the same since. I think these TV "adverts" need to specify what kind of accidents devastate lives. I shall list them some options to choose from:

Accident #1: Accidentally on-purpose.

These are quite simple. "I accidentally cut her face open with a knife, cos she was bad-mouthing me", for example. Or sticking your leg out infront of someone you dislike; "Oh, I didn't see you there", when we all know you did.

Accident #2: Trivial.

These are everyday accidents. Paper cuts, walking into lamp posts, missing a step. "Argh! Bastard! Bloody paper!" Also included in this category are less everyday ones, such as brushing past nettles, being scratched by brambles or other nature related incidents. "Fucking nettles! Where's the fucking dock leaves?! What do they fucking look like?!", for example.

Accident #3: Grave.

These differ from #2 as they are more serious. They are rarer, but not as serious as #4. Examples include: missing a step, and falling down the stairs; a chair breaking; tripping on a pavement. NB: accidents in this category are most likely to qualify for annoying insurance claims.

Accident #4: Grave and deadly.

These are, as the name suggests, similar to #3 in the sense that they are grave, but differ in regards to their effect, namely their main effect is death. TV insurance companies LOVE these kinds of accidents. Not as much as they love #3.