Thursday 13 August 2009

Drunks.

It was Saturday. I know this, cos on Saturday evening Katie, Ruth and myself (I know I'm meant to be last in that list, but I'm unsure what to do if there is more than one person. I went alphabetical. Let's hope I'm right...) went to a random pub somewhere between (not beterrn as I tried writing) Pontefract and Ferrybridge. I think Ferrybridge must be a new place to you blogg readers. My dad works there, at a powerstation. I have actually no idea what he does there, but he has reassured me that he is no Homer Simpson. Anyway, it was for a group called Tragical History Tour, who played (I wanted to write plaid... What is wrong with me?!) Beatles songs. If you didn't know, I fricking love the Beatles. Not as much as I love Muse, obv, but they are quite high up my list. Anyway, they were most good, I was impressed, and barely drunk. Ruth was quite tipsy. On 4 pints. She should be ashamed. We went to say farewell to her friend (not fried), who with her two other friends had gotten through 5 bottles of wine between them. This is quite a feat (feet?) bloggettes. She was incredibly drunk, and declaring her love for Ruth and Katie, and myself who she had just met. Drunken love, you understand: "I fucking love these two." etc etc. This got me thinking, what are the kinds of drunk?

Drunk #1: Happy.

These kind of drunks are just generally happy. One of the best kind of drunks. Superceded only by #2. Characteristics involve general declarations of love: e.g. "I fucking love you" "Aren't you lovely?". Their happiness spreads (usually) to others. Best enjoyed: in a club environment. Least enjoyed: never.

Drunk #2: Funny.

These kind of drunks are the best kind of drunks. Pretty much the same as #1, except with humourous antics. Best enjoyed: when sober. Least enjoyed: when #3.

Drunk #3: Angsty.

One of the worst kind of drunks to be with and to be. To avoid this state of inebriation, avoid drinking whilst slightly down. Other methods to avoid this state involve #1 or #2. Various degrees of #3 involve "I have to go home now" at midnight to the worst kind, the "I'm fine" with a fake smile. I personally like to think I have perfected this art. Best enjoyed: never. Least enjoyed: when with others.

Drunk #4: Angry.

An equally unejoyable drunk to be with. Differs from #5 as lacks violence. Generally angry, mostly at drink-spillers, queuers (people who queue, not queers, silly), and anyone and everyone. Best enjoyed: when there are others to block them out. Least enjoyed: most occasions.

Drunk #5: Violent.

One of the most unejoyable drunks to be around. Differs from #4 due to addition of violence. Level of violence can vary from not very (i.e. pushing, shoving etc) to very (full blown fights). Best enjoyed: never. Least enjoyed: all occasions.

Drunk #6: Comatose.

These are an odd kind of drunk. Often found at house parties, as opposed to in public, they still occasionally make it into public. Known most for just sitting there, apparently asleep. For the record, they are not in a coma, they are more than likely asleep. Or dead. More commonly the former. Provide entertainment for those not comatose. Entertainment usually involves permanent markers and/or a cup of cold tea. Best enjoyed: house parties. Least enjoyed: clubs/bars.

Drunk #7: Collapsible.

Anyone who says that they have never been a collapsible drunk, is a liar. This generally involves falling over anyone and anything. Collapsible drunks have two forms: violent (which often involves attempting to hit something and falling on the floor) and happy/funny (which often involves falling on the floor, and realising minutes later "I'm sat on the floor, aren't I? How did this happen?". This is followed by much laughter, and possible reoccurence of the incident). Best enjoyed: at the end of a night. Least enjoyed: by the sober.

Now, I cited "loud" as a style of drunk, but I think this comes under #1/#2. I think these are the basic types of drunks. Any more suggestions, let me know :D

1 comment:

  1. I'm a flirty drunk, I get a lil hyper then jump on people. This is perhaps why I don't drink lol.

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