Calm down, dear. It's only a commercial.

So I arrived home, alive and well. I was naturally greeted by the emptiness of our street, so it was all good.

The first thing I saw when I looked out of my bedroom window was a small child, riding on a bike. Nothing unusual at all about this you may ask, but the small child was a boy of about 10, and the bike was aimed at 5 year old girls. Noone dare question the child, he looks like a chav. This concerns me. They're not allowed on my estate!

Also, when did Michael Winner (another famous nobody) make eSure adverts again? Why did noone stop him doing this?!